OBMUD.

have u ever considered how am i supposed to get good grades with so many family problems to worry about? i noe u dun mean to hurt me, but im telling u i dun mean to get bad results too. as all of my teachers mentioned during the panel meeting, im just a coward who doesnt dare to voice out opinions. but only noes how to write them all out. i guess this is how i improve my writing. there're so many things i want to discuss with u, but i just cant make myself to talk to u as a friend. because of past experiences i had, i've developed a fear of being rejected, which nobody noes of yet. its not tt i dun have the confidence. its just tt i noe wat's best for everyone, and im not tt. but there's also no doubt i was born lazy, always thinking of fun and games. but the restriction u give me towards games make me think about them even more. im already trying my best not to think about games. but everytime i being to succeed, u have to mention about the past. and again, i dun say anything. although u never said this out, i noe u and everyone else always tot tt Rachel was the capable one and tt im only the good girl hu listens to whatever u say, but isnt exactly smart. well, tt is very true. but these little things like asking Rachel for help instead of me piled up to form wat u call-- my lack of confidence.

its really quite sad when u realise i actually like being in school studying more than i like staying at home. there are many more friends to talk to, friends hu noe more of my troubles than u do. honestly, i feel much, much more confident with them than being with u. i really wish i can have the courage to talk to u like a friend one day.

u asked me if i could see tt u are depressed. let me ask u this, do I look depressed to u? i've been wearing this mask for these 4 years since i was p5. and i cant make myself to take it off, as it wud worsen every situation we're in now.

well, christmas is coming! all i wish for this year, is the understanding of both u and papa to say the three simple words to each other-- i love you.

-raeyi